I had a diagnostic mammogram today. Actually, she took several views saying her job was to make the 'spot' disappear. It didn't disappear. It's a small spot, round like a pea. I can't feel it yet, although it does hurt a bit, if I press on it long enough. Well, if I press long enough, any place will begin to hurt.
My husband is a family doctor. He came home for lunch today, after calling and not being able to get through to me: I was on the phone with my sister. I was pleased that he came home to check on me. I thought he'd forgotten about my appointment. After lunch, he talked with a General Surgeon at OU to question why it is necessary to have an ultrasound rather than go right to checking the cells to discover if they are cancerous or not. I don't remember exactly why, but the GS said that is the correct next step.
So, the waiting game begins. Next the radiologist checks today's pictures with some taken two years ago, (I missed having a mammogram last year). If it looks suspicious to him, then next will come the ultrasound. I'll hear something back from my doctor's office next week.
This really impacts life. I know I sound like a whinner, but it's hard to concentrate on regular life with something like this hanging 'out there' unsettled.
I hurt for my sister. The doctors knew immediately upon seeing her mammogram that she had cancer. It must have looked quite messy on the screen. Teresa knew she had a rather large lump in her breast for more than a year. She just never went to have it checked out. I also feel responsible for that. Perhaps if I had insisted that she 'go to the doctor now and have it looked at!' then, perhaps she would have done so. Jeff told me that is 'co-dependency' and 'sick.' Well, maybe. Except, that it's always been that way with my sister. Either mom (before she died) or me -since mom died- have had to direct her to do those sorts of things. I feel it's partially my fault that she didn't have it checked out because I didn't sound the alarm. I said things like, 'I had a benign tumor removed years ago' and 'no one in our family had breast cancer.' I was wrong. Our mother's sister had a masectomy in her 40s. We thought her doctor was just 'knife happy' and didn't know what he was doing. She didn't have to have chemo treatments and the cancer never came back. My grandfather's sister died of breast cancer in her 40s or 50s. His paternal grandmother had cancer, listed in the 1880s census report under chronic illness. And there are other's in the family with different types of cancer, mostly colon cancer, I believe.
Teresa had her 3rd chemo treatment this week. So far, she isn't as sick as she was for the last one. Do people survive cancer that moves into the lymp nodes?
I hate cancer. It feels like a personal enemy. This morning as I left the clinic, I remembered what I was doing at this same time 16 years ago: My first child was born in Chicago 16 years ago today. My mom was still alive, Teresa didn't have cancer and I was about to begin breast-feeding for the first time. Those were happier days, obviously.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Mammograms, American Cancer Society, and other Blessings
At New Year's, I drove 11 hours to spend a few days with Teresa. We went to the American Cancer Society's Huntsville, Al office, to find a wig for her. What wonderful people the American Cancer Society people are. The office was closed, since we were there Friday of New Year's weekend. But, when I called them from a nearby intersection, lost, the woman who'd come in just to finish some paper work, invited us to come ahead and select a wig. She spent time with my sister, helping her try on wigs, and she was so patient and kind toward her. Of course we were an imposition, because we'd just shown up during the holidays! But, she didn't treat us that way. She was wonderfully kind to us. Teresa chose a short, curly blonde wig which looked alot like her own hair, and she felt so pretty in it! She also chose a hat, AND, how could I forget that she was able to get a prostesis and a bra for it? All without any cost to my sister. What a blessing the American Cancer Society is!
Teresa got very sick after her last chemo treatment. She became dehydrated and her blood pressure dropped. Her way of handling it was to take a sleeping pill and try to sleep until she was better. Since I'm a worrier, and calling her several times per day (I live 11 hours away) I called the clinic and told them about it. They had her go in and gave her fluids and anti-nausea meds intravenously. It made her feel better for less than 24 hours, and she had to have it repeated. That helped alot and she felt better for the next week.
She called me on her birthday, January 17th, to say that she really felt good. She had gone out and put new dishes and flatware on the lay-a-way at Walmart. My first thought was 'why did you waste money like that?" She's on Social Security disability, her only income. But, thankfully the Lord held my tongue and I didn't blurt it out. I realized that this is her way of showing that she has hope for the future and she's going to meet that hope with new dishes and flatware!
I've also decided that only God decides who lives and who dies--and it's not a matter of beating the odds. "I've decided", how prideful that sounds. No, I haven't decided, I have learned through God's grace that this is the case, and it is my responsibility to trust Him with her life, my life, etc., etc, and expect life- not death.
After my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, I made an appointment to have a mammogram. I've been sporadic with those, at beast, although I have been better at checking myself. I had the mamogram a couple of weeks ago, and then yesterday, my doctor's nurse called me to say that it had come back with a problem with one, and I was to call to have another mammogram as soon as possible. I have an appointment for this Friday.
How unnerving this is. I hate to be melodramatic, but even this has caused me to rethink my priorites: I am going to love and enjoy my children for whom and what they are, and not stress out over their performance-or lack of performance at school. It's too easy to get caught up in parental competition with other's over a child's abilities and successes. I'm done with that.
Teresa got very sick after her last chemo treatment. She became dehydrated and her blood pressure dropped. Her way of handling it was to take a sleeping pill and try to sleep until she was better. Since I'm a worrier, and calling her several times per day (I live 11 hours away) I called the clinic and told them about it. They had her go in and gave her fluids and anti-nausea meds intravenously. It made her feel better for less than 24 hours, and she had to have it repeated. That helped alot and she felt better for the next week.
She called me on her birthday, January 17th, to say that she really felt good. She had gone out and put new dishes and flatware on the lay-a-way at Walmart. My first thought was 'why did you waste money like that?" She's on Social Security disability, her only income. But, thankfully the Lord held my tongue and I didn't blurt it out. I realized that this is her way of showing that she has hope for the future and she's going to meet that hope with new dishes and flatware!
I've also decided that only God decides who lives and who dies--and it's not a matter of beating the odds. "I've decided", how prideful that sounds. No, I haven't decided, I have learned through God's grace that this is the case, and it is my responsibility to trust Him with her life, my life, etc., etc, and expect life- not death.
After my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, I made an appointment to have a mammogram. I've been sporadic with those, at beast, although I have been better at checking myself. I had the mamogram a couple of weeks ago, and then yesterday, my doctor's nurse called me to say that it had come back with a problem with one, and I was to call to have another mammogram as soon as possible. I have an appointment for this Friday.
How unnerving this is. I hate to be melodramatic, but even this has caused me to rethink my priorites: I am going to love and enjoy my children for whom and what they are, and not stress out over their performance-or lack of performance at school. It's too easy to get caught up in parental competition with other's over a child's abilities and successes. I'm done with that.
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