Weathering the Squalls

Today while cleaning house, I logged on-line to hear Jill Briscoe's messages at Welcome to Telling the Truth. I first heard Jill at Anne Graham Lotz "Just Give me Jesus" seminars in Kansas City. I love listening to both of them, but especially to Jill teach about 'prayer.'
This morning she spoke about Weathering the Squalls--life's difficult events--and how suddenly 'squalls' came upon the disciples and Jesus while they were out in the boat, always at inopportune times. These weren't gathering storms whose tell-tale signs were seen in dark, distant skies streaked with lightening, giving fair warning of coming trouble--the squalls came suddenly, terrifyingly and without warning: Just the way cancer comes into one's life. This is my sister's squall, but I am in that boat beside her, buffeted by its winds.
Jill said the squalls in in our lives are trials, meant to grow our faith in God. I think I was camping in a small, overcast valley of my own, even before my sister's news. There were dark shadows in the corner of my sky, a few streaks of lightening flashing close by, news of job and career concerns for people close to me and worry for my fifteen-year-old son's future. He is beautiful and gentle, extremely intelligent and has ADD. I've felt a general malaise settle over me in the past few weeks since summer's end and the beginning of school--bringing with it stressful evenings filled with home work supervision and Edline reports. Of course, Teresa's medical news put things back into perspective. I am in desperate need of finding God's face and His comforting, protective presence. I found Brother Andrew's "Practicing the Presence" listed as a classic Christian must-read offered at Renovare, a website dedicated to spiritual renewal. I read his book as a teenager--my mother bought it and I read everything she read. I want to read it again, along with Catherine Marshall's book, also titled Practicing the Presence of God. I need to feel His real Presence.
Today during devotions I read,
"I wonder what finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you? Have you been as hard as a marble and escaped? If you are not ripe yet, and if God had squeezed you anyway, the wine produced would have been remarkably bitter." Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest," Sep. 30th entry. We are to be wine given to nourish the spiritual growth of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
I think the finger God is using is that of my concern for my son's academic problems and worry over what lies ahead in his future, and the thumb is my worry over my sister's possible death from cancer. I know that 'worry' is sin. It is actually a lack of faith and trust in God. But, I worry still. And that is because I don't spend time in God's presence. I go to church regularly, but haven't plugged into a women's Bible study group, although, I am in a prayer group. This isn't enough to find God's face: "You will find me when you seek me with all of your heart." I have been half-hearted, just going through the motions.
"We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life--those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. . . We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength."
Character is developed through life's experiences, especially it's trials, when our response is to move us toward God. His purpose is to make us Christ-like. I see glimpses of my sister's character, her courage, as she waits for definitive answers and directions from the medical community: She is making things right with God. She said that last spring, while listening to some TV preacher, she felt convicted to call her ex-husband and ask his forgiveness for her part in the break-up of their marriage. They've been divorced for twenty years. She called, his wife answered the phone and without questioning Teresa, handed the phone to her husband--Teresa's ex-husband. Teresa asked for his forgiveness and Randle forgave her. That was a tremendous step to take, for both of them, but it brought healing and closure to past hurts. Teresa's squall is drawing her closer to the Lord. Following in His footsteps, she is seeking to forgive and be forgiven.